...every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.
- John 15:2b
As my husband and I were reading in John last night for Good Friday this verse and this concept really stuck with me and is still with me tonight. I've been thinking a lot about the death and resurrection of Christ as is natural for most Christians during Holy Week and especially on Easter weekend. However, I think even more than His death and resurrection I've been contemplating His work...His life...His mission in this world and in you and me. Obviously the resurrection of Christ was the culmination of His ministry here on earth and was the reason He came to earth in the first place. He came to bridge the gap; to make it possible for us to be in relationship with the Father. The passage about Jesus being the vine, the Father being the vinedresser, and us being the branches is all about that. It is about abiding in Christ and thus in the Father and learning to live life as one with Christ. But it is more than that, as verse 2b shows us. We cannot simply say that we are Christians and now our lives will be happy and wonderful all the time and go on our merry way. No. When we choose to abide in Christ we are taking on a new life, a new identity, and we are saying that we are no longer willing to conform to the image of the world but rather we want to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. We want to be more like Christ.
If we are to call ourselves Christians then we MUST bear fruit. The fruit of a person's life is the evidence of Christ in them and working through them. If there isn't any fruit then something is wrong. If someone claims Christ but you never see Christ in them then I would question the authenticity of their claim.
Jacob and I once did an excercise on a road trip that we decided is something we should do every so often to keep us in check. We went through the fruits of the spirit in each other to see where we were bearing fruit and where we needed to be pruned (although we didn't call it that at the time, that is a result of my reading last night). We went through each fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control) and spoke with each other candidly about how we felt these things were being evidenced in our own lives and in each others lives. We also took the time to look at each of our close family members so that we could more specifically pray for each of them. We have been given a guideline that very clearly shows whether or not we are truly abiding in Christ and if we (as Christians) take the time to look deeply enough we will find some areas where we thought we were doing well but in reality we need some serious work.
After reading last night I started to think about the process of being pruned. Christ says that in order to bear more fruit we must be pruned. Pruning is not pleasant, but it is necessary. Parts of you are literally cut off in order to make room for better things. Not pleasant. My mom prunes her roses several times a year. She goes out and cuts off all of the dead stuff in order to make room for new growth. Here's the kicker though...she has to cut past the dead and into some of the live stuff. You can't simply cut off the eyesore, the wilted pieces, the dead blooms. No, you must go deeper. You have to cut to the quick. You have to get down to where there is life again so that new growth can come and flourish. In other words, you have to bleed a little.
Christ calls us to abide in Him and to let the Father prune us so that we can grow and bear more fruit. He calls us to bleed a little, or sometimes a lot. When I was in high school my youth pastor used an analogy that has stuck with me. He said that there are two methods that God uses to effect change in our lives: the Jergens method and the Machete method. The Jergens method is nice, and slow, and not too tough to go through. Over time God will simply soften us, rub out the callouses with lots of lotion if you will. Sometimes though, we are just a little too thick for that. Sometimes God has to do something drastic to get through to us. That is where the Machete method comes in. Every now and then God will come along and chop off a limb in order to get our attention. I much prefer the Jergens method...
I don't think this post is flowing very well because I'm literally just typing what I'm thinking as I'm thinking it (verbal processor here) so I hope you are still with me...if you're still reading :)
As much as I don't like being pruned, I do desire more than anything to grow and bear fruit. I am not content to simply be. I am not content to call myself a Christian but fail to live my life as to be worthy of that calling (since I can call myself a Christian all I want but I'm not actually a Christian if I don't live a Christian life...I don't believe in fire insurance. But that's a whole other topic that I'll probably blog about someday). If I am not changing then I am not abiding and I want nothing more than to abide in Christ. I have lived in the Jergens method and I have certainly had my Machete moments and events. I think that I would take the analogy a little further though. I think that Jergens is an ongoing daily thing. It is us asking God to keep our eyes and hearts open to Him and to His people. It is us praying fervently to always be willing to lend a hand, go somewhere new, and love everyone we come into contact with...everyone (that's a hard one for me sometimes). The Machete on the other hand is something that is necessary sometimes and it cuts us fast, hard, and deep. It will probably only happen a select few times in your life and you will likely be able to pinpoint each of those moments and events and say, "God used that to get through to me in a big way." Those will be the moments where your faith rocketed forward to a new level and you found yourself in deeper relationship with Christ than you had ever been before. Those are the events that get your faith to a level that you would never have reached were it not for the machete.
The reason I would take this analogy further is that sometimes we need more than lotion but less than a machete. Sometimes we need pruning sheers. Pruning sheers are more precise. They are more targeted. The Machete cuts to the roots, but the pruning shears...they simply cut to the quick. They help to isolate each part of us that needs to be cut away in order to make room for something new, something much more Christ-like. With each snip and cut we are laid a little more bare. We bleed a little every time God takes the shears to us and we feel just a little more exposed. If we are truly abiding, as Christ calls us to, then we are making ourselves vulnerable to Him, and sometimes that is a little scary to some of us (i.e. me). If I make myself vulnerable then I have to admit each and every one of my shortcomings, my imperfections, my sins, so that God can cut them away one by one to make room for His beauty to shine through. Beauty for ashes...it sounds nice, but it isn't easy. It stings. It's uncomfortable and it's messy and it's hard and it's every single day...
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Addict
UPDATE: In response to a comment made below...
Rachel Ann,
First let me say that your response was not offensive in the least. Just wanted to reassure you :)
Second, you have totally hit the nail on the head. I think you've managed to express what was rumbling around in my head much better than I did or could at the moment because I hadn't quite gotten as far as this with my process yet. After my initial post I got to thinking a little more about what I had written and how I was feeling and I started to wonder the same thing about breaking bread and community. I started thinking about communion and the early church especially and how everytime Christians would meet together they would partake in communion and break bread together to not only remember but also to enter into true fellowship. Meals are meant as a means to fellowship. That is where we have gone astray, and that is what you have so eloquently reminded me (and anyone else who is reading this) of, among other things. Thank you for organizing my thoughts for me faster than I was able to :) And thank you for reminding me (although you probably didn't realize you did this) that my Biblical Studies degree can still serve a purpose in my everyday life even if I am not pursuing higher education at the moment because I know Jewish history and culture and I am able to dig in and understand (or at least try to) the finer points of the Bible and it can shed light on even my everyday quandries. Sometimes I let myself forget that I have these capabilities and I simply wander around in my seeming darkness without reminding myself that I have the means to turn on the light. Thank you for reminding me of that. I think tomorrow's dinner will be served at the table rather than on the couch (I know, sad right?).
ORIGINAL POST:
I feel like food rules my life (and the lives of so many others). Think about it for a minute, seriously. When something good happens we (or at least I) want to celebrate by going out to eat or making something really yummy that I don't eat very often. When something bad happens, I want to eat "comfort" food (different for everyone but always comforting, for about 1/2 an hour and then I just regret eating it). I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, angry, etc. Food even rules my life when I'm busy because I forget to eat and then I get really grumpy because my blood sugar is so low and then I remember that I need to eat but by then I'm not really hungry so I have to figure out what to eat and the whole process ends up making me more grumpy until I actually eat and then I just want to eat more.
It's not like I'm morbidly obese and all I ever do is eat. That isn't the point. The point is that I don't want food to play that big of a role in my life. I don't want food to be the first thing I think about for any event or circumstance that comes up. I don't want the first thing I do when I'm bored to be going and opening the fridge looking for something to eat when I'm not even hungry (and then doing it again 5 minutes later). I don't want to eat because I'm mad that I just ate whatever it is that I just ate (that one's a killer and sooooo freaking stupid...go figure). I spend entirely too much time thinking about food. I don't even necessarily eat that much, but I think about food all the time and it's really frustrating.
Why can't we celebrate something by going for a walk or seeing a movie or ANYTHING else but eating? Why can't we console ourselves with a good book, or country music? :) Why does it always have to be food?
I love to cook. I don't want to stop cooking by any means. I love to try new recipes and I love to make old favorites. I love being in the kitchen (minus the clean up) and I will probably always love it, but I don't want to be in the kitchen simply because I'm feeling slightly emotional. I want to be in the kitchen because it's time for dinner.
Not everyone feels this way, but I know a lot of people out there do. It just occurred to me the other day when my husband finished his final paper for Legal Writing. The first thing we wanted to do to celebrate was eat something. WHY? What has happened to the world that food is the focus of every occassion? Parties are all about what is being served, vacations are all about what restaurants you try...even theme parks are about the churros and pretzels and cotton candy and frozen lemonade. It's not that other things aren't important too (like the rides for intsance), it's just that food is always such a big deal and I am getting really sick of it. I don't want food to be the first thing I think about for everything...or anything for that matter. I mean, half of my memories of things are of the food...how sad is that?
This is really rambly (not a word but oh well) and probably not making sense anymore. I'm just frustrated with it all. Every time old friends are going to catch up it's over lunch. Lunch isn't a bad thing, don't get me wrong. I just don't understand why food has become so all encompassing. I probably wouldn't care if I didn't have weight I was trying to lose. I probably wouldn't care if I didn't eat like crap when I felt crappy making myself feel even crappier. I probably wouldn't care at all if I had money to go out when I wanted to and didn't mind that I don't look the way that I want to and am struggling at this point to get where I want to go with my weight. But I do care, and come to think of it this is not the first time I've been bothered by how much food has taken over our lives.
I'm an emotional eater (as evidenced by the first paragraph of this post). I'll admit it. For all intents and purposes I'm an addict. The only problem is, the thing that I'm addicted to is something I cannot cut out of my life and something that rules most people's lives without them even realizing it. So now what?
Rachel Ann,
First let me say that your response was not offensive in the least. Just wanted to reassure you :)
Second, you have totally hit the nail on the head. I think you've managed to express what was rumbling around in my head much better than I did or could at the moment because I hadn't quite gotten as far as this with my process yet. After my initial post I got to thinking a little more about what I had written and how I was feeling and I started to wonder the same thing about breaking bread and community. I started thinking about communion and the early church especially and how everytime Christians would meet together they would partake in communion and break bread together to not only remember but also to enter into true fellowship. Meals are meant as a means to fellowship. That is where we have gone astray, and that is what you have so eloquently reminded me (and anyone else who is reading this) of, among other things. Thank you for organizing my thoughts for me faster than I was able to :) And thank you for reminding me (although you probably didn't realize you did this) that my Biblical Studies degree can still serve a purpose in my everyday life even if I am not pursuing higher education at the moment because I know Jewish history and culture and I am able to dig in and understand (or at least try to) the finer points of the Bible and it can shed light on even my everyday quandries. Sometimes I let myself forget that I have these capabilities and I simply wander around in my seeming darkness without reminding myself that I have the means to turn on the light. Thank you for reminding me of that. I think tomorrow's dinner will be served at the table rather than on the couch (I know, sad right?).
ORIGINAL POST:
I feel like food rules my life (and the lives of so many others). Think about it for a minute, seriously. When something good happens we (or at least I) want to celebrate by going out to eat or making something really yummy that I don't eat very often. When something bad happens, I want to eat "comfort" food (different for everyone but always comforting, for about 1/2 an hour and then I just regret eating it). I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, angry, etc. Food even rules my life when I'm busy because I forget to eat and then I get really grumpy because my blood sugar is so low and then I remember that I need to eat but by then I'm not really hungry so I have to figure out what to eat and the whole process ends up making me more grumpy until I actually eat and then I just want to eat more.
It's not like I'm morbidly obese and all I ever do is eat. That isn't the point. The point is that I don't want food to play that big of a role in my life. I don't want food to be the first thing I think about for any event or circumstance that comes up. I don't want the first thing I do when I'm bored to be going and opening the fridge looking for something to eat when I'm not even hungry (and then doing it again 5 minutes later). I don't want to eat because I'm mad that I just ate whatever it is that I just ate (that one's a killer and sooooo freaking stupid...go figure). I spend entirely too much time thinking about food. I don't even necessarily eat that much, but I think about food all the time and it's really frustrating.
Why can't we celebrate something by going for a walk or seeing a movie or ANYTHING else but eating? Why can't we console ourselves with a good book, or country music? :) Why does it always have to be food?
I love to cook. I don't want to stop cooking by any means. I love to try new recipes and I love to make old favorites. I love being in the kitchen (minus the clean up) and I will probably always love it, but I don't want to be in the kitchen simply because I'm feeling slightly emotional. I want to be in the kitchen because it's time for dinner.
Not everyone feels this way, but I know a lot of people out there do. It just occurred to me the other day when my husband finished his final paper for Legal Writing. The first thing we wanted to do to celebrate was eat something. WHY? What has happened to the world that food is the focus of every occassion? Parties are all about what is being served, vacations are all about what restaurants you try...even theme parks are about the churros and pretzels and cotton candy and frozen lemonade. It's not that other things aren't important too (like the rides for intsance), it's just that food is always such a big deal and I am getting really sick of it. I don't want food to be the first thing I think about for everything...or anything for that matter. I mean, half of my memories of things are of the food...how sad is that?
This is really rambly (not a word but oh well) and probably not making sense anymore. I'm just frustrated with it all. Every time old friends are going to catch up it's over lunch. Lunch isn't a bad thing, don't get me wrong. I just don't understand why food has become so all encompassing. I probably wouldn't care if I didn't have weight I was trying to lose. I probably wouldn't care if I didn't eat like crap when I felt crappy making myself feel even crappier. I probably wouldn't care at all if I had money to go out when I wanted to and didn't mind that I don't look the way that I want to and am struggling at this point to get where I want to go with my weight. But I do care, and come to think of it this is not the first time I've been bothered by how much food has taken over our lives.
I'm an emotional eater (as evidenced by the first paragraph of this post). I'll admit it. For all intents and purposes I'm an addict. The only problem is, the thing that I'm addicted to is something I cannot cut out of my life and something that rules most people's lives without them even realizing it. So now what?
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Yummy Lasagna!!
UPDATED: I made this again and although I had already reduced the salt in the original recipe I think it still might have a little more salt than some people would like so I suggest using only 1 tsp (rather than 1 1/4) with the meat. It will probably be more universally enjoyed that way as far as the salt is concerned and for those in the world (like my husband) who can never have enough salt they can salt their own piece if they want :)
ORIGINAL POST:
I made a FABULOUS lasagna last night for dinner and thought I'd share the recipe (at the request of my lovely sister-in-law). Believe it or not I got the recipe off of the lasagna noodles box but I changed it just slightly. This recipe is super easy and super healthy. It's packed with protein and quite possibly the best lasagna I've ever eaten (not to toot my own horn, seriously, I was so surprised and pleased when we started eating). So, without further ado:
Ingredients:
- 1 lb. lean ground beef (I used ground sirloin with only 10% fat...better I think)
- 1 clove garlic, minced (I have pre-minced garlic in my fridge because I cook with it a lot so I used about 1 1/2 teaspoons...I like garlic :))
- 1 Tbsp. parsley flakes
- 1 Tbsp. basil
- 1 1/4 tsp salt
- 1 can diced tomatoes (14.5 oz...I think. Drain a little bit of the fluid out from the can)
- 2 (6 oz.) cans of tomato paste
- 1 box whole wheat lasagna (I used Hodgson Mill)
- 16 oz. 4% large curd cottage cheese
- 8 oz. 2% small curd cottage cheese
- 2 beaten eggs
- 1 tsp. salt
- 1/2 tsp. pepper
- 1/2 tsp. parsley flakes
- 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese (fresh rather than dry...I purchased the pre-packaged flakey kind)
- 1 lb. 1/3 less fat Mozzarella cheese
Brown meat slowly; add next six ingredients to meat. Simmer uncovered about 1/2 hour (stirring occasionally...it won't be super juicy so simmer is perhaps not the best word but you get the idea).
Cook lasagna noodles according to cooking instructions and rinse with cold water.
Combine cottage cheese with next five ingredients. Place 1/2 noodles in 13x9x2 inch baking dish; spread 1/2 cheese mixture over noodles, 1/2 of meat mixture, and 1/2 of mozzarella. Repeat layers.
Bake at 375 for 30 minutes. ENJOY!! :)
ORIGINAL POST:
I made a FABULOUS lasagna last night for dinner and thought I'd share the recipe (at the request of my lovely sister-in-law). Believe it or not I got the recipe off of the lasagna noodles box but I changed it just slightly. This recipe is super easy and super healthy. It's packed with protein and quite possibly the best lasagna I've ever eaten (not to toot my own horn, seriously, I was so surprised and pleased when we started eating). So, without further ado:
Ingredients:
- 1 lb. lean ground beef (I used ground sirloin with only 10% fat...better I think)
- 1 clove garlic, minced (I have pre-minced garlic in my fridge because I cook with it a lot so I used about 1 1/2 teaspoons...I like garlic :))
- 1 Tbsp. parsley flakes
- 1 Tbsp. basil
- 1 1/4 tsp salt
- 1 can diced tomatoes (14.5 oz...I think. Drain a little bit of the fluid out from the can)
- 2 (6 oz.) cans of tomato paste
- 1 box whole wheat lasagna (I used Hodgson Mill)
- 16 oz. 4% large curd cottage cheese
- 8 oz. 2% small curd cottage cheese
- 2 beaten eggs
- 1 tsp. salt
- 1/2 tsp. pepper
- 1/2 tsp. parsley flakes
- 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese (fresh rather than dry...I purchased the pre-packaged flakey kind)
- 1 lb. 1/3 less fat Mozzarella cheese
Brown meat slowly; add next six ingredients to meat. Simmer uncovered about 1/2 hour (stirring occasionally...it won't be super juicy so simmer is perhaps not the best word but you get the idea).
Cook lasagna noodles according to cooking instructions and rinse with cold water.
Combine cottage cheese with next five ingredients. Place 1/2 noodles in 13x9x2 inch baking dish; spread 1/2 cheese mixture over noodles, 1/2 of meat mixture, and 1/2 of mozzarella. Repeat layers.
Bake at 375 for 30 minutes. ENJOY!! :)
Monday, February 8, 2010
Fraud
Do you ever have a day where you wake up in the morning and you feel like a total fraud? That was today for me. I suppose the feeling really started yesterday, but it hit me with full force today. I have spent a significant portion of my day today reading the blog of a woman whose faith I envy right now but whose circumstance I couldn't even begin to imagine. Her name is Angie Smith and she, and her daughter Audrey, have inspired me.
I'm not entirely sure how to express what I've been feeling these last couple of days but I'm just going to do my best to be honest and open and hope that somewhere in this mess that I'm about to type that a point will come across and I will find a little bit of what I'm looking for. If you choose to read the following paragraphs I thank you, if not, I don't blame you :)
So, back to this fraud business. I woke up this morning and felt really fake, like I was living a life that was not what I said it was or even close to what I wanted it to be. I feel like I'm claiming things in life that I have no right to claim. For example: I claim to love the Old Testament, but I can't remember the last time I opened up my Bible, picked up a commentary, and really dug in. I claim to be an academic at heart, but I can't remember the last time I read something that wasn't for fun...or worse, when was the last time sat down to read (anything) to relax rather than watch tv (or in my case, movies/tv shows on my computer). I claim to be a woman of faith and yet I find myself spending the majority of my prayer time either praying with my husband because he calls us to it (I love that man) or praying a prayer from my daughter's point of view (or what I would imagine it to be) with her before she goes to sleep at night. When was the last time I really let myself fall to my knees and pour my heart out to God...or simply fall to my knees and listen? I don't think I've even opened my journal (my most effective form of prayer) since Tirzah was born. Seriously? I should be praying fervantly over that little girl every chance I get, not just my little one word, one sentence, or even one minute prayers that I pray. I do pray, but I have not been living a life of prayer...not like I used to.
After reading a good portion of Angie's blog (starting at the beginning) I remembered my own dark places and how much my faith grew during those times of my life. I remembered how reliant I became upon God to simply help me get out of bed in the morning sometimes and how much I loved feeling His presence and hearing His voice as I went through each day hoping that I'd make it through and to the next one. I have been in that darkness before and God led me out. However, I find that once I'm back in the light and life is starting to really settle into a place of joy again I forget to get on my knees and open my heart again. I forget that I need God in every moment. I forget that I can't just live my days from one diaper to the next, one feeding to the next, one load of laundry to the next, without inviting God in. Things can get mundane but God loves to be a part of even the mundane because He can make those mundane moments have meaning beyond what you thought they were capable of.
I'm not a total heathen (I just realized that heathen is only one letter away from spelling my name...weird), really I'm not. It's not as if I've turned my back or anything...I think I've just forgotten to look up and see God and smile and say, "How can I serve you today?" I was reminded of that in church this Sunday. I was reminded of a lot of things in church this Sunday. I realized that even though I haven't been posting on this blog for very long I'm not sure if my faith has played a role in any of my posts, or if I've even mentioned that I'm a Christian. And even if I have, I can't remember if I have and in my book that's just as bad. I want my life to be a reflection of Christ in all of my endeavors and in each moment and I have not been purposeful about that at all lately, at least not with anyone but my husband.
And that's just it...even when I am being purposeful about speaking of Christ with my husband it's usually him bringing it up first or me simply saying the words that I always say. It's not that I don't trust God because I do. I have a peace in my life that I cannot explain and it is a true gift from God, however, I often let that peace turn into complacency and that is where I get into trouble. I trust God to work things out, big and small, and sometimes I just leave it at that and don't even take the time to really think on things and pray on things and struggle through things with Him. I just put it in His hands and walk away. That is not how a relationship is supposed to be. He promised to walk with me in this life, not for me. He promised to carry my burdens and my sorrows but I had to walk beside Him for that to happen. He promised that He would never leave me nor forsake me and that I can rest in that but that doesn't mean that I can simply hand my life over and stop living it. I forget that sometimes. I forget the living. I forget that I have to get up everyday and live and breathe and find my way. I forget that I can't just go through my life in a semi-dreamlike state and wake up every few months to realize that a few months have gone by because if I do that then I am not really living. If I do that I am not growing and learning.
I don't want to just live this life, I want to thrive in it. I want to raise my daughter to know the amazing God who made her and I want her to love Jesus with all of her heart but that won't happen if I don't model that to her. If she doesn't see me loving Jesus (not just in words but in actions...i.e. living) then she will not know the love of Christ that I so long to see her know. I can't wait to see faith at work in my child, but first I have to get back to faith working in me. Every night I ask God to be with Tirzah in her dreams. Today, I am asking Him to be with me in my waking.
I'm not entirely sure how to express what I've been feeling these last couple of days but I'm just going to do my best to be honest and open and hope that somewhere in this mess that I'm about to type that a point will come across and I will find a little bit of what I'm looking for. If you choose to read the following paragraphs I thank you, if not, I don't blame you :)
So, back to this fraud business. I woke up this morning and felt really fake, like I was living a life that was not what I said it was or even close to what I wanted it to be. I feel like I'm claiming things in life that I have no right to claim. For example: I claim to love the Old Testament, but I can't remember the last time I opened up my Bible, picked up a commentary, and really dug in. I claim to be an academic at heart, but I can't remember the last time I read something that wasn't for fun...or worse, when was the last time sat down to read (anything) to relax rather than watch tv (or in my case, movies/tv shows on my computer). I claim to be a woman of faith and yet I find myself spending the majority of my prayer time either praying with my husband because he calls us to it (I love that man) or praying a prayer from my daughter's point of view (or what I would imagine it to be) with her before she goes to sleep at night. When was the last time I really let myself fall to my knees and pour my heart out to God...or simply fall to my knees and listen? I don't think I've even opened my journal (my most effective form of prayer) since Tirzah was born. Seriously? I should be praying fervantly over that little girl every chance I get, not just my little one word, one sentence, or even one minute prayers that I pray. I do pray, but I have not been living a life of prayer...not like I used to.
After reading a good portion of Angie's blog (starting at the beginning) I remembered my own dark places and how much my faith grew during those times of my life. I remembered how reliant I became upon God to simply help me get out of bed in the morning sometimes and how much I loved feeling His presence and hearing His voice as I went through each day hoping that I'd make it through and to the next one. I have been in that darkness before and God led me out. However, I find that once I'm back in the light and life is starting to really settle into a place of joy again I forget to get on my knees and open my heart again. I forget that I need God in every moment. I forget that I can't just live my days from one diaper to the next, one feeding to the next, one load of laundry to the next, without inviting God in. Things can get mundane but God loves to be a part of even the mundane because He can make those mundane moments have meaning beyond what you thought they were capable of.
I'm not a total heathen (I just realized that heathen is only one letter away from spelling my name...weird), really I'm not. It's not as if I've turned my back or anything...I think I've just forgotten to look up and see God and smile and say, "How can I serve you today?" I was reminded of that in church this Sunday. I was reminded of a lot of things in church this Sunday. I realized that even though I haven't been posting on this blog for very long I'm not sure if my faith has played a role in any of my posts, or if I've even mentioned that I'm a Christian. And even if I have, I can't remember if I have and in my book that's just as bad. I want my life to be a reflection of Christ in all of my endeavors and in each moment and I have not been purposeful about that at all lately, at least not with anyone but my husband.
And that's just it...even when I am being purposeful about speaking of Christ with my husband it's usually him bringing it up first or me simply saying the words that I always say. It's not that I don't trust God because I do. I have a peace in my life that I cannot explain and it is a true gift from God, however, I often let that peace turn into complacency and that is where I get into trouble. I trust God to work things out, big and small, and sometimes I just leave it at that and don't even take the time to really think on things and pray on things and struggle through things with Him. I just put it in His hands and walk away. That is not how a relationship is supposed to be. He promised to walk with me in this life, not for me. He promised to carry my burdens and my sorrows but I had to walk beside Him for that to happen. He promised that He would never leave me nor forsake me and that I can rest in that but that doesn't mean that I can simply hand my life over and stop living it. I forget that sometimes. I forget the living. I forget that I have to get up everyday and live and breathe and find my way. I forget that I can't just go through my life in a semi-dreamlike state and wake up every few months to realize that a few months have gone by because if I do that then I am not really living. If I do that I am not growing and learning.
I don't want to just live this life, I want to thrive in it. I want to raise my daughter to know the amazing God who made her and I want her to love Jesus with all of her heart but that won't happen if I don't model that to her. If she doesn't see me loving Jesus (not just in words but in actions...i.e. living) then she will not know the love of Christ that I so long to see her know. I can't wait to see faith at work in my child, but first I have to get back to faith working in me. Every night I ask God to be with Tirzah in her dreams. Today, I am asking Him to be with me in my waking.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
I had no idea...
I really didn't realize that there was such a "blog world" out there until tonight. I've been reading a few blogs that I've come across in recent months and tonight I discovered this entire blog devoted to bashing a fairly well known blogger in the "mommy blogging" world. Wow. I don't really have an opinion one way or the other about the blogger in question but I just find it odd that people get so wrapped up in strangers lives that they will make entire blogs to defame them.
I have been reading these other blogs for some ideas about various things I'd like to try in my parenting and lifestyle and while I am an optimist about people I certainly know that it is easy to portray what you want people to belive you are when you they are learning about you through your own written words. Keeping that in mind, I have found this blog mostly enjoyable with some helpful hints on various things that I've wondered about (being new to this whole mommy thing).
As I was thinking about how sad it is that people get so up in arms over perfect strangers I realized that I had just wasted HOURS (literally) reading this stuff and trying to figure out how I felt about it. Totally lame, I know. It's not that I think it's lame to find a community online but I do think it's lame to waste an entire evening reading, for lack of a better term, gossip. I could hardly believe how long I had been sitting at my computer until I looked at the clock and realized that it was like 3 or 4 hours later and I was still reading. Geeze!!
I feel...I'm not sure what word I'm looking for here. It's like, part of me really wants to keep reading because I have this insatiable curiosity in life to know people's business and know what the REAL truth is, and another part of me is screaming at me to stop because it is a complete waste of my time and my own, very real, life is waiting for me to start living it again. I am glad to have found this blog (whether the blogger is completely delusional or not) because I feel like there is some genuinely useful information on it, but it's not the end of my world if she is not all she claims to be. Although, to be completely honest, I am a little disheartened at the accusations because she seems, at first glance anyway, like a genuine person and someone I could enjoy knowing if I were to ever know her...meet her...you get the point.
I suppose the point of this post is, I really didn't even know that this was a thing and clearly something that consumes a lot of people's lives. It's a big, bad, blogging, world out there, and I am not even sure I want to be a part of it anymore. I suppose there is a price to pay for putting your life online for the masses to read. Maybe that's why I've kept my Facebook profile so very private all this time (and I think I'll continue to do so).
I have been reading these other blogs for some ideas about various things I'd like to try in my parenting and lifestyle and while I am an optimist about people I certainly know that it is easy to portray what you want people to belive you are when you they are learning about you through your own written words. Keeping that in mind, I have found this blog mostly enjoyable with some helpful hints on various things that I've wondered about (being new to this whole mommy thing).
As I was thinking about how sad it is that people get so up in arms over perfect strangers I realized that I had just wasted HOURS (literally) reading this stuff and trying to figure out how I felt about it. Totally lame, I know. It's not that I think it's lame to find a community online but I do think it's lame to waste an entire evening reading, for lack of a better term, gossip. I could hardly believe how long I had been sitting at my computer until I looked at the clock and realized that it was like 3 or 4 hours later and I was still reading. Geeze!!
I feel...I'm not sure what word I'm looking for here. It's like, part of me really wants to keep reading because I have this insatiable curiosity in life to know people's business and know what the REAL truth is, and another part of me is screaming at me to stop because it is a complete waste of my time and my own, very real, life is waiting for me to start living it again. I am glad to have found this blog (whether the blogger is completely delusional or not) because I feel like there is some genuinely useful information on it, but it's not the end of my world if she is not all she claims to be. Although, to be completely honest, I am a little disheartened at the accusations because she seems, at first glance anyway, like a genuine person and someone I could enjoy knowing if I were to ever know her...meet her...you get the point.
I suppose the point of this post is, I really didn't even know that this was a thing and clearly something that consumes a lot of people's lives. It's a big, bad, blogging, world out there, and I am not even sure I want to be a part of it anymore. I suppose there is a price to pay for putting your life online for the masses to read. Maybe that's why I've kept my Facebook profile so very private all this time (and I think I'll continue to do so).
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
My new mission (or my old one revisited?)
Two posts in one day...wow :)
My aunt Char once told me that I was not behind and to jump in where I was. She got these wise words from non other than FlyLady. While browsing Facebook today I saw that my sister-in-law became a fan of FlyLady on Facebook. I too became a fan, and then went to her site and signed up for her emails.
After perusing the site for awhile and reading my welcome email I did exactly what I was told to do...I shined my sink!! I am quite pleased with the result.
While my sink was soaking I decided to clean the toilet...and surrounding areas. Our particular environment in Idaho makes our toilet collect condensation and I think it was growing mold underneath and the floor around it was soaked (didn't realize that one). So...I am feeling quite accomplished in this moment. Next on my list: the February challenge of de-cluttering for 15 minutes everyday, starting today (for me anyway). Woohoo!! :)
On another note...Tirzah tried rice cereal for the first time today. She wasn't quite sure what to think of it :)
P.S. I've also discovered how to link things...yay!!
My aunt Char once told me that I was not behind and to jump in where I was. She got these wise words from non other than FlyLady. While browsing Facebook today I saw that my sister-in-law became a fan of FlyLady on Facebook. I too became a fan, and then went to her site and signed up for her emails.
After perusing the site for awhile and reading my welcome email I did exactly what I was told to do...I shined my sink!! I am quite pleased with the result.
While my sink was soaking I decided to clean the toilet...and surrounding areas. Our particular environment in Idaho makes our toilet collect condensation and I think it was growing mold underneath and the floor around it was soaked (didn't realize that one). So...I am feeling quite accomplished in this moment. Next on my list: the February challenge of de-cluttering for 15 minutes everyday, starting today (for me anyway). Woohoo!! :)
On another note...Tirzah tried rice cereal for the first time today. She wasn't quite sure what to think of it :)
P.S. I've also discovered how to link things...yay!!
An Update
I'm sitting here listening to my daughter on the monitor and I can't help but smile. She just woke up from her nap and rather than crying (although she thought about it) she's decided to "talk" and play a little in her crib until I come to get her. I can't help but just sit here and listen. I don't want to go in just so I can hear her enjoy herself :)
She decided she'd like to have some company after all...
Okay, now onto the actual post. I suppose the real point of this blog is that I haven't blogged in awhile so I figure I should write an update so that I can stop updating with each post and just start writing. There are some exciting (for me) things going on right now in my life. Tirzah is now rolling over from back to tummy on her own. It's fun, until she gets stuck because she's forgotten how to roll the other way. I'm sure it's only a temporary thing, but until she remembers I spend a lot of time encouraging her to turn back over and then helping her because she gets so upset. She has also discovered the joy of the bouncer.
One of my favorite things is that Jacob has decided to be my exercise buddy. He's doing Turbo Jam with me and when I do lower body he does weights. It's great to have someone to work out with, especially on days that I'm tired and don't want to work out. He has also decided to diet with me as well. I've been doing Weight Watchers (don't think I've mentioned that yet) and while he won't be attending meetings he is counting points. Well, I'm counting them for him mostly...or at least writing them down for him.
Last semester went well and Jacob did very well on his finals. We are hoping for similar results this semester. We are currently trying to figure out what Jacob should be doing this summer. He's applying for internships along the coast (places where he might have a place to live with family or friends) and also looking into a few externship options. We'll see how that pans out.
Tirzah had her first cold. She had a couple of rough nights but she managed to get through it and is now feeling much better. She will be 6 months old on Friday. Wow!! We are going to start her on solids soon. I'm sure I'll be posting some pictures of that endeavor on Facebook :) I suppose that is all that I have to update at the moment. Now I can get back to my random thoughts and ramblings :)
She decided she'd like to have some company after all...
Okay, now onto the actual post. I suppose the real point of this blog is that I haven't blogged in awhile so I figure I should write an update so that I can stop updating with each post and just start writing. There are some exciting (for me) things going on right now in my life. Tirzah is now rolling over from back to tummy on her own. It's fun, until she gets stuck because she's forgotten how to roll the other way. I'm sure it's only a temporary thing, but until she remembers I spend a lot of time encouraging her to turn back over and then helping her because she gets so upset. She has also discovered the joy of the bouncer.
One of my favorite things is that Jacob has decided to be my exercise buddy. He's doing Turbo Jam with me and when I do lower body he does weights. It's great to have someone to work out with, especially on days that I'm tired and don't want to work out. He has also decided to diet with me as well. I've been doing Weight Watchers (don't think I've mentioned that yet) and while he won't be attending meetings he is counting points. Well, I'm counting them for him mostly...or at least writing them down for him.
Last semester went well and Jacob did very well on his finals. We are hoping for similar results this semester. We are currently trying to figure out what Jacob should be doing this summer. He's applying for internships along the coast (places where he might have a place to live with family or friends) and also looking into a few externship options. We'll see how that pans out.
Tirzah had her first cold. She had a couple of rough nights but she managed to get through it and is now feeling much better. She will be 6 months old on Friday. Wow!! We are going to start her on solids soon. I'm sure I'll be posting some pictures of that endeavor on Facebook :) I suppose that is all that I have to update at the moment. Now I can get back to my random thoughts and ramblings :)
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